Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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