I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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