"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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