i think my mom watched the whole time
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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