During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's official drugs can't kill me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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