I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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