Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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