It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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