Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
