"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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