my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize