i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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