when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
