I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
