you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
