I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
