Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
