this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
whose parrot is this?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
