Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
