Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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