Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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