ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
