I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am naked and annoyed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
