Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize