Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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