This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
