We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
