it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
