Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
