I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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