i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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