Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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