so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
