I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
