I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
