too bad you live with your parents still
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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