Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
