I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
