You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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