i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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