I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
