we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
