I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
