I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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