It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
