We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
