Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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