are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
