the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
