As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
