I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
