what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
