im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
