Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
