Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
