Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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