The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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