I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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