You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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