Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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