Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
