Non-Jews are for practice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
