What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
