This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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